Shedding my skin...

Happy Monday kittens! I just came out of a five day long flu marathon... it was intense to say the least. There was a lot of crying, coughing and resting involved but I'm finally starting to feel like myself again. I'm still a tad bit weak though. I haven't been sick like that in years! It was a bit of a shocker. The good news is I lost a few more pounds.... lol! Isn't that horrible! The only good thing about getting sick is shedding a few. That's fine by me though..... all in all I've lost a total of 14 lbs since last October. That's right! It's been a long and very slow process and at times I've felt like giving up because I wasn't seeing any results but I've managed to make more changes in my diet and I'm starting to see results again. Whew!

My clothes are fitting so much better on me and I finally feel like I'm in control of my life again. This whole last year has been full of changes and I'm not stopping at 14lbs. I'd love to get back down to where I was before I got ill which I think slowly started in 2011. I recently re-read my old journals (which were so sad) and it appears that I haven't been this weight since 2012! I know, I know.... it's not all about the weight. It really isn't.... but I'm actually eating healthier and way less and am working out on the reg. I even stopped drinking almost all together and that's probably what was preventing me from losing even more weight. I don't don't need to be drinking all that much anyhow because I'm pretty much a ball of anxiety. I showed the Mister my old journals and he frowned and gave me a hug and agreed that these old journals should be sacrificed to the fire Gods and we should go out together and purchase a new journal for me for all my new and good memories that we will have and make together. I have no problem with burning these guys.... half the pages are already ripped out either out of shame or embarrassment. It might be a nice "therapeutic" way to help me let go of the past and start to move forward in my life. Those last three years or so were so hard.... I still can't believe I went through all of that.

Besides losing more weight and getting back into shape physically and mentally I've also been dealing and struggling with family issues (which I'm not ready to talk in depth about just yet). I've literally had to separate myself and sever almost all communication from certain members of my family in order for me to continue on with my life and my goals. It's been really hard emotionally but I feel it's the only way that I can focus on myself and achieve everything that I've been wanting to without getting dragged down. It may seem selfish but believe me I have my reasons. I'm actually doing good right now and I don't want anyone else's drama to throw me off track. There are other reasoning's too but I'll have to put it on the "back burner" for now.  

I've also decided to end friendships that I felt weren't worth my time and effort any longer as well. Some of the friendships were already "floundering" and "fading". There were some that were just flat outright "toxic" and I just needed to get the hell out of the relationship. I kept my very closest friends that are near and dear to me... the ones that actually understand me and know what I've been going through. They are the only ones that I value in the end.... I'm slowly learning whom my real friends are as I grow older. I'm also learning that you don't need more than a "handful" of people to share your time with as well. It's all about quality vs. quantity.

Let's put all that "New Year, New Me" bullshit on pause for a minute and talk about this outfit.... I'm obsessed with plaid right now! I'm wishing that I had purchased this top as size smaller than I did however, since I'm shrinking little by little everyday now. Ha! This huge, chunky pearl necklace and matching earrings were an impulse buy while I was at Target the other day. I couldn't help myself.... This was the outfit that I was going to wear at Matt's Holiday Work party but I ended up with a dark green, backless top and a different black skirt. I have so many black skirts now... it's too funny. Slowly, my style has been changing over the course of this last year and I've ended up with tons of black items in my closet. Which is cool with me... you can never go wrong with black. The purse was an impulse buy as well from Target. I needed a dressy black bag and this one just "jumped out at me".  As you can see my roots are starting to show.... my hair is actually a dark, cool brown color naturally. I was contemplating having a stylist try to match my color to my roots and just go darker. My hair would still be sorta ombre'ish at the bottom. I don't know what to do.... I love the red but I'm getting sick of trying to maintain it. It doesn't cost a bunch because I do it myself but sometimes I just don't want to have to worry about my dang roots showing. The woes of hair coloring..... lol! What do you all think?

Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and have a fabulous and safe New Year. I'm hoping that I'm completely over this flu thing by the 31st so I can "live it up" with The Mister and my BFF at The Alamo Draft House Sing Along for NYE! Later my darlings....

xoxo

Shirt: Forever 21

Skirt: Thrifted

Tights: Target

Shoes: Thrifted

Purse: Target

Accessories: Target

Agent yellow

Oh Hello there! I'm so excited.... literally peeing in my pants! I finally found an awesome Literary Agent to represent me. It was perfect timing too! I had made it one of my New Year goals for 2015 to actively search for someone to help me with my dream of writing and publishing a crochet book. Well... I need look no further. Everything seems to be falling into place and happening before the New Year... which I didn't plan on but am pleasantly pleased about. 

Agent Yellow you say? No, I'm not talking about "Doctor Who"... I'm referring to the mustard yellow hat and scarf that I wore to my first meeting with my new lovely Agent. I just purchased this scarf from Modcloth a few weeks ago and decided that it looked pretty swell with my old knitted hat. I threw on this comfy cream dress and some old boots and Voila! I'm all about comfort these days. I love this military inspired jacket that I bought from Old Navy last year. There are pockets galore... I have a place for my keys, my iPhone and lipstick.

Just a touch of coral crush lipstick and I was ready to go.

Some of you may know that I was talking to a certain Publishing Company in the Fall and hadn't heard from them for about two months or so and was feelin' pretty down and out about it. Well, turns out that that may be quite normal in the literary/publishing world. The Holiday's can be hectic and while things were going on in my little corner of the world with shows and orders on Etsy... things were also going on over there in the publishing world. So I was completely taken aback when I received an e-mail from my contact from the Publishing Company informing me that they are all still very interested and would like to discuss it further. Here I had thought that they had forgotten all about little ol' me. So you see it was actually perfect timing that I had found an Agent.

What Publishing Company you ask? Well.... I'd like to keep that under wraps until I actually decide to sign a deal with them. This is still the beginning process and I want to be certain of my decision. How did I find an Agent and whom are they? That too I'd love to keep under wraps... at least for now. I am however very excited (can you tell) and can't wait to see where this all leads. For now I must focus on my last show that is still going on until Christmas Eve. Then I will celebrate The Holiday with our in laws and our sweet nephews. Dinner at their house and then we watch the kiddos open up their gifts. Christmas Day for us will be simple this year. No real presents to open (which is completely fine by us). We will probably spend the day lounging around the house, sipping coffee and maybe later take the dogs on a walk. New Years Eve we are actually planning on going to The Alamo Draft House with my BFF and his Mister to participate in a NYE Sing Along. It should be good. wholesome clean fun. Ha!

Hope everyone is staying warm!

xoxo

Dress: Target

Boots: Target

Scarf: Modcloth

Hat: Modcloth

Jacket: Old Navy

Living with Ghosts....

Happy Monday kittens! I'm back and more alive than ever. It's time to dust off the cobwebs because this girl feels like she's been living in a cave for the past few months! Whew! This Holiday Season has been swell... really good in fact! My little crochet business is thriving.... doors are really starting to open up for me and all my hard work is finally paying off. It feels amazing. I seriously haven't been this happy in years! Nothing is more rewarding than good, honest hard work. I'm finally doing something that I love and am passionate about and that alone is priceless. 

In other news, I recently re-connected with a very dear, long lost family friend. It has been way too long since we've talked but it seems like the perfect time to rekindle our friendship. I'm really looking forward to see how our relationship develops and grows from here....

It seems like "huge leaps" or "monumental steps" have been occurring in my life right now... Everything that is happening to me seems to be a major "life event" to mark down in the ol' calendar. I think because it's been so long since I've been healthy (physically and mentally) that the steps that I've taken to get to this point in my life have been  have been difficult yet crucial. I know I ramble on about how ill I was but until you don't have your health (which is truly everything) then you really don't know what you've lost. Not only was I dealing with a debilitating syndrome 

(Alice in Wonderland Syndrome) for the past three years of my life but before that I was dealing with a much greater hardship than that....

I've never talked about this before online but I think it's all part of the healing process so here we go. Before I was diagnosed with Epilepsy, before I was having stress induced seizures (partly due to my horrible job working for the city) my Husband and I were dealing with Infertility issues. My Infertility. It's really hard to talk about still and I have so many thoughts and emotions on the subject that change day by day... I've stayed pretty quiet about it except with my sister and close friends that have been there for me and have seen me go through the treatments. I was just thinking about it the other day... that nearly eight or seven years ago we were trying to conceive. We tried on and off for the first year or 

so (I mean really tried... trust me we did our research) with no success. I was so sure I would conceive right away as my Mom did but I obviously didn't. I knew in my heart there was something wrong with me... I also knew because I was using those ovulation test strips and noticed that I never was actually ovulating at all. 

It was a very hard year for us in Ohio at that time. The ups and downs of trying to make a baby every month and the horrible winters in Ohio that seem to never end plus my family life felt like it was falling apart right ibefore my eyes. We decided the best thing for us was to pack up and move to Austin, Texas where the sun is always shinning. We would try to make a fresh start, with new jobs, friends and family (Matt's Brother and wife Cindy). We put our lives on hold for that first year while we settled in and I found work and Matt got used to his new job as an Architect at a local Firm. After that year we thought we would give it another go. This time I went to a Fertility Specialist  (one of the best) whom was referred to me by my sister in law. He had helped two of her friends conceive and I just knew that was the next step for me in the baby making process. 

I booked my appointment where we got all the proper tests and blood work done. We did soooo many tests. I've never been poked or prodded so much in my entire life that I did over the course of our entire treatment. I was put on put on a form of Clomid to induce ovulation and we gave it about a year 

(give or take) trying naturally (the old fashioned way) with no success. More tests and some investigation showed that I had a small polyp in my uterus possibly making it hard for a fertilized egg to implant... so that had to come out. I had  Laparoscopy procedure preformed both vaginally and through my belly button which truly hurt like a bitch! With an endoscope they also discovered that I had endometriosis as well and had to burn out all the scar tissue that had built up over the years and removed the grape sized polyp. Not only was I in pain physically but my sister in law was now pregnant with her first child. I was so happy for her but inside I felt like dying. The day after my surgery she had her baby shower which I attended (still on pain medicine). I wanted to go to support her and for some reason I felt I had to show other people that I was okay and not bitter. I can't even explain or begin to describe the overwhelming sadness I felt over the course of that year. Not to mention that I was now getting hormone injections both by nurses and by Matt at home in order to help me ovulate. I felt so alone... I felt that nobody understood what I was going through and Matt didn't know what to say or do. I felt angry all the time and sank deep into depression. I lost almost all communication with my Husband that year.... it felt as though we were two strangers living under the same roof. I'm sure he felt helpless and I was seriously not in my right mind. I started to drink a lot... I think just to numb the pain I was feeling. It was a very sad time in my life... I did things and said things that I regret... nothing so horrible that our marriage didn't survive though... I was just a douche in general to Matt. 

I think a year or so passed by.... it's all kinda fuzzy now. I had yet another surgery to remove another polyp that had developed over the course of that year. We were still trying to conceive and repair our failing marriage. I literally felt I had no one to talk to. My own Mother and Father didn't even really do much to reach out to me.... it was very hurtful. I remember at one point texting my sister because I was feeling particularly shitty and low that day and told her that I felt like "hurting myself"... she called right away and we just talked it out. I've always kind of been a depressed person my whole life... I think it's inherited and I'm sure I also have some weird brain chemistry going as well. It's always something I've had to keep in check. I don't think I was on any anti -anxiety medication or any form of anti- depression meds at the time and I was also getting huge doses of hormones on a regular basis.... I literally thought I was going crazy some days. I mean I basically was. The final and last attempt to conceive was when we tried the IVI process. I had such high hopes again at this point... mind you we had already spent thousands and thousands of dollars and had made a HUGE dent in our credit cards form all my surgeries and fertility procedures (which was just another thing to fight about). Waiting those two weeks to see if your pregnant is the craziest two weeks of your life. Try doing that over and over again only to get your period and be let down. It was basically like that every single month... a huge roller coaster of emotions only to be crushed... and then do it all over again. So needless to say, the IVI procedure didn't take and I decided then that I was finished for good. I couldn't take anymore hormone treatments.... I was so "out of control" as it was (emotionally) and our marriage still felt like it was on the rocks. I just wanted us to be "okay" again. We haven't tried since then.... although it crossed my mind a few times. Years have passed (almost six) and our marriage is stronger than ever. We made it through some huge struggles and decided that we are okay with being childless. Before any of you ask.... "What about adoption or fostering? We have come to the decision of being childless based on what we both want in life as of now. I want to be healthy and mentally stable... I want our marriage to be the most important thing we focus on right now. I just want to feel alive again and live life according to our rules and not what someone else dictates our life should be. Who knows what the future holds for us. As of right now we are planning our lives without children which is just fine by us. We have two little nephews that we adore and life is good ya know?!

It still hurts every now and then... especially when people tell you that they are expecting. I think that's what I'm sad about the most, is that I'll never know what it's like to have a baby grow inside of me.... but life goes on and I'm learning more and more about myself day by day. I know now that "everything will be okay." You adapt to things and slowly... before you know it you become whole again. 

There's no book out there that helps you cope with infertility (trust me I've looked). They are mainly books about procedures and what to expect physically. Nobody can really tell you what you will experience emotionally. I wish there was a support group that I could have gone to. There were times that I wish my Mom had called to talk to me or to even just listen.... that's all I really wanted or felt I needed. Through it all Matt has been there for me.. he has loved me at my worst and stood by my side and for that I am thankful. Some marriages don't make it through the woes of infertility.... ours just so happened to come out stronger in the end. Life is a journey and I'm learning to open up and let some of the more vulnerable parts show. I think there is something so beautiful and honest about being vulnerable. This was another crazy long post... if you've made it to this point in the post and have any questions I'd love to hear them. I truly value all my comments and try to respond back to each and every one of them.

xoxo

Dress: Thrifted

Shoes: Target

Knee Socks: Target

Instagram lately.....

Both November & December have been a whirlwind for me over here in Austin, Texas. I've been so busy crocheting and preparing for shows that I haven't had much time for anything else... even decorating for Christmas. Here's some of the highlights of the past two months.

I busted out a ton of product... so much so I had to ice my thumbs a few times. Ouch!

Our house turned upside down with taxi heads, plaques and boxes. Poor Matt!

Matt helped out a bunch (which he always does). Cherrywood went up without a hitch....

The Mister and I must have stained hundreds and hundreds of plaques this season!

I even snuck in an extra show at West Elm and met some fabulous people. I just couldn't pass up the opportunity.

I took a five day trip with my dear friends Bri & Amanda and their little wee one Hannah to Houston and spent Thanksgiving with their lovely Family. I was sick as a dog during the show with some crazy allergy thingy... but I managed to pull through.

Some of my handy work.

Some of Matt's handy work.

I managed to squeeze in some mini outfit posts here and there.

Matt ended up working the Cherrywood Art Fair for me Saturday while I was at West Elm. 

What a guy!!!!

I got some pretty awesome loot this year! I couldn't pass up the chance to get two Dino Planters from Plaid Pigeon during Cherrywood. They go with our Dinosaur theme throughout our entire house. I also snagged this crazy tea cup/macaroon hair accessory from a Squirrel & Hammer in Houston. I can't decide if I want to wear it or eat it. Ha! I also scored a really awesome trade while at West Elm from Jess of Fox & Brie. She makes the most beautiful bow ties and pocket squares! Last but not least, I received this beautiful Fox patterned blouse with earrings and "howdy" cards in the mail from my Secret Santa (Lisa of La La Faux Bois &  Flock Together). I can't wait to wear them!!! 

Follow me via Instagram here.

xoxo

Leather, Lace and resting bitch face...

Happy Monday Kittens! This is a little bit of a different look for me buy hey.... I'm trying new things. These images actually crack me up.... I have "resting bitch face" throughout the entire shoot. I was taking my own images with a tripod and the little remote thingy and was concentrating so hard on posing and hiding the little remote that I completely forgot about my face. Ha! I don't think I smiled once the entire time. I didn't want them to go to waste and besides... I like my liquid leather leggings.

If you all don't know what "resting bitch face" is.... It's basically a person, usually a girl, who naturally looks mean when her face is expressionless, without meaning to. That would be me. I also was totally trying to show off my layers I had going on here but it didn't really work out that well. You get the idea though right?

I just love these "liquid leggings" that I got from Old Navy. They were super cheap and look pretty damn hot but they sound like shit. Seriously... I sound like I'm wearing a wind breaker when I walk. You can practically here me coming from a mile away... that's the only downside to them. 

Besides the crappy sound they make when I walk they are almost a perf. I guess they are my standing leggings. You know.... for when I want to just stand around and look hot. Ha! 

Here's another "bitchy pose" I perfected. 

Some things that girl's with "resting bitch face" don't like to hear:

1. Smile, it's not that bad. 

2. What's wrong?

3. When I first met you I thought you were a total bitch, but you're really not. 

xoxo

Sweater: Old Navy

Lace tank top: Forever 21

Leggings: Old Navy

Shoes: Target

Gold charm bracelet: Claire's

West Elm, Cherrywood & Blue Genie Art Bazaar

Hey there kittens! I have some great news!!! I'll be setting up downtown at West Elm this Saturday from 10-2 for a little Pop Up event hosted by CityGram Austin. I'll be selling some crochet taxi heads 15% off (which I never do). So come on out to 1011 W. 5th Street and check it out!

P.S. You have to have the CityGram App downloaded to receive the 15% off.

 See CityGram here for details.

If you can't make it to West Elm then you can catch The Husbear (Matt) at The Cherryood Art Fair this Saturday & Sunday from 10-5 at Maplewood Elementary on E. 38th 1/2 Street. 

(Sadly there will be no discounts there.... so people that have come from West Elm to Cherrywood looking for more of my work I can't honor the CityGram 15% off discount. That discount was exclusively by and for CityGram.)

Lastly, if you can't attend either then you're still in luck.... You can also swing by the

Blue Genie Art Bazaar  located at the Marchesa Hall & Theatre open 10am-10pm everyday until December 24th. 

I also currently sell at: 

Austin

Parts & Labour

Toy Joy

Wee

A-Town 

The Burlap Bag

Houston

Hello Lucky

The Tinderbox Collective

Dallas

We are 1976

Ohio

Wholly Craft

(Call first, stock may vary)

xoxo

Shake it off

Hurray for Hump Day! I've been MIA lately due to this crazy busy Holiday Season...

which is a good thing for my little ol' business but bad for my hands. Ouch! This is gonna be a short post but I have a bunch of images to make up for the lack of writing. 

Things are looking good in my little neck of the woods. I've got two shows coming up this weekend! The Mister is working The Cherrywood Art Fair Saturday and Sunday while I work a West Elm Pop up event hosted by CityGram Austin. I couldn't turn them down when they approached me last minute. For one: I would love the exposure and two: It's an opportunity to meet new people and make more money. How could I possibly refuse? I'm just so grateful the Mister was all for running my booth for me Han Solo on Saturday. What a guy! 

 

I took these photos awhile ago and it was hella windy (as you can see) but I just love how they came out! I'm obsessed with plaid right now and I'm thrilled that I found this J. Crew button down shirt a few years ago at my favorite local thrift store. I haven't worn it in quite awhile and had forgotten all about it. I found it waaaay in the back of my closet and was delighted that it fit me again.  

 

I've been listening to a lot of Taylor Swift lately. I know, I know.... I usually have better taste in music but she makes some catchy tunes that I just can't get out of my head. I especially adore her new single "Shake it Off" for obvious reasons. I'm usually an "Indie Rock" kinda gal but I try not to discriminate. Everyone has their guilty pleasures right?

Whoosh!!!

Hope everyone is feeling festive and enjoying some good, clean holiday fun. I'll be celebrating after this weekend when all my shows are over. It will be such a relief and I'll finally be in the "home stretch" as they say. Till then my little darlings....

xoxo

Skirt: J Lo (thrifted)

Shirt: J. Crew (thrifted)

Headband: Claire's

Knee Highs: Kohl's

Shoes: Target

Lipstick Revlon (I love that Red)